My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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