hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Randomize
