i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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