I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i just had sex bonerless
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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