I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
