She said her name was "party"
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
