My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
