I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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