She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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