You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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