boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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