Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I puked a lego.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
