I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
