so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
