You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
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