I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I forgot how hot balto sounded
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
