I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
