I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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