So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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