I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
