My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
