I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
