I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
