we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
