you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
