Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
