I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i will never coherently bang her
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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