Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
