He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Randomize
