Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
