i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Randomize
