I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
