i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
