just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
