Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
