so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Randomize
