Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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