yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
