whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
