did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
