Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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