So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize