I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
When did angry sex become our thing?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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