4 words: hood of his car
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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