Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Found the puke drawer
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize