he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
