I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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