I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
