Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
