Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
