She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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