My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
