Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
