My hand turned me down
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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