Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
