I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
