It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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