we have pet lesbian snakes
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Randomize
