so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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