So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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