I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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