Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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