that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
