Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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