Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
