I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
She bit a glass in half.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
