i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
