So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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