so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
