A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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