you guys were way drunker than both of me
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
