I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
