I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
