You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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