My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
