Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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