Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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