im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
