we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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