i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
