Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
